dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize