A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
