I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
