Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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