in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
