The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
