We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
