I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
