I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just invented taco cereal.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had sex on a roof
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize