So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize