i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
