Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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