sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
