Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
