Apparently you make a good broom.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
