i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
vagina is talking i cant
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize