i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
