his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
