the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't deserve a penis
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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