This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
