Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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