Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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