i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
