New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I love having hate sex.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
3 2 1 whiskey
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
