I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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