see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
