During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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