apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
