how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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