what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
