We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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