Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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