I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
