CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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