well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
