So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
