I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
