So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
