My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize