11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
