the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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