I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
