yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize