yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
