I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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