Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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