I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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