We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
