True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
