**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
