just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
