if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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