no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
