dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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