Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
