Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
