Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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