oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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