i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize