She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The ass gains better be worth it
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