we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
