he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
