she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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