don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
