I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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