I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
