your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
