I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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