I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
