Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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