He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
